Welcome! I am glad you are here! I am sharing a series about my experience with depression and anxiety. Feel free to catch up with the first three parts of the series:
When I awoke from my hibernation through the month of May, summer was upon us and it was full of doctor and counseling appointments. More prescriptions than I care to count were filled, to match my growing list of ailments.
I began a series of psychological tests to determine if I had Attention Deficit Disorder, as well as Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I still rarely left the house and spent a lot of my time alone. As so often happens, prescriptions meant to treat one issue would cause a complete and different issue. I was on a roller coaster of emotions and energy levels, which nearly drove myself and my husband over the edge. I went from sleeping the entire month of May, to rising at the crack of dawn in June, full of so much nervous energy that I couldn't sit still.
I was living a nightmare. It was uncomfortable to be in my own skin. Despite trying to explain to others what I was going through, I felt no one understood, and many I am quite certain, thought I was just making it up or faking it, and I should just snap out of it. I was drowning.
When school began in the fall, I was relieved knowing that during my leave of absence, I would have time to heal. I knew taking the year off was the right thing to do, as I was still no closer to feeling much better. I was eager to have the house to myself again, with all the quiet I could take in.
I had high hopes of spending time healing through some of my hobbies, but I just did not have the motivation or concentration to get much done. I did a lot of reading to escape my restless mind. The months slowly passed and I was doing all I could to just hang on.
As spring arrived, I finally felt up to doing a little more and I began writing out scriptures everyday and spent time reading some devotional books. By this time my anxiety had succumbed quite a bit and I was able to finally head back to church. My soul was nourished deeply by the worship each week, so I created a playlist of songs we sang at church and other music that was uplifting to me. I began a practice of singing my heart out with that worship music in the middle of my kitchen.
And slowly, every so slowly, the darkness began to fade, just enough for me to know that My King was beginning to clear away the cobwebs of my mind.
During this time, I had also reached out to my blogging friend Susan and asked her to be praying for me. (If you don't know her, you really should!!) We had long "chat" conversations on Facebook. She spoke amazing truth and wisdom into my life. I literally cried out my heart to her. She was so kind and so gracious to me. Through one of our conversations I mentioned that I was looking for a place that I could take a Prayer Retreat, all by myself to spend a week praying and calling on My Savior to lift me out of this mess. And my dear, dear internet friend asked me to come to her house in North Carolina. Her husband would be gone a week in May. She works from home, so I could have the rest of the house to myself to do whatever I wanted or needed. It was good that our conversation was online, because at this point I was bawling my eyes out. I felt God's goodness shine down on me that day. It would be a long drive by myself....10 hours....but I knew that this conversation and Susan's lovely offer was God ordained, so He would get me there!!
But through our long conversations, Susan had convinced me that there was something I needed to do right away. I had been thinking about it, but was a bit shy to ask.....but Susan convinced me....it was time.
Join me next Wednesday for Part 5 of the series, Drowning: My Journey Through Depression.
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Women With Intention Wednesdays